My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
