the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
