I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
