Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
