I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
