Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
