I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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