just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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