my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
