this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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