You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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