So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
