so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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