Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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