i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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