Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
