im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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