You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
