brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They are going to name an STD after you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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