after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
