The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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