Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
