sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
