You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
