nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
