So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
