You can't motorboat a personality
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
