what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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