Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
