im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
