I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
