Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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