i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
