And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i've created a new STD.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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