Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
