I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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