Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
