i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
