Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
