everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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