pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
