The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
