i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
