I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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