After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well you can't waste a boner
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
