my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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