I think my vagina is haunted
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
