whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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