How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
