They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
false alarm, still single
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
