I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
